Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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