ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I just put wine in my tea
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
