i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
