That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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