My sheets look like a crime scene.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
