She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
