the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
