just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
