There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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