Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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