I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
