a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
