Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
