he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
