she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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