drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
