This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
