Sponge bath it is.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize