2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
