Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
