No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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