Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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