Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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