i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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