yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
