I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
