Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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