i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
try to milk me bitch
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
