Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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