Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
