We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
