he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
