i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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