You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Sober January is a disaster.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize