I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
