As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
