Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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