Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
