bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
