If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
