youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
