I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
