Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
