you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
