dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
