Will you blow on my dice?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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