Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
