I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
