i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
