3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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