I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
