i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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