lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
