I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
