I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
