my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
