In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
