This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
did you just send me my own nude
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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