I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
