I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
