New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
