I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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