yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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