i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
