I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
