She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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