Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
