If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
