i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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