True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
