He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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