glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
