You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
someone owes me an orgasm
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
