Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
