I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
